This are Serious Blog

The Great Cheese Riot Arraignment
posted by schmawy 3 months ago • 960 views
SIFTOPIA MUNICIPAL COURT
SIFTQUSITION DOCKET No. CH33SE51F73R

ORDER IN THE COURT!

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Please rise! The Hon. Judge Swampgirl, Presiding!


The defendants stand accused of gross crimes against artistic sensibilities regarding the posting and conspiracy to post articles of dubious quality nineteen seventies era pop music and culture. The events transpired on the evening of April 10th, 2008 and persisted for two days with lingering effects for weeks. Being filed today are 51 counts of gross misconduct and artistic obscenity with intent to disturb the peace.

First witness to be called: Oxdottir
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http://wtf.videosift.com/talk/You-cheese-people

You cheese people!
posted by oxdottir 1 month 2 weeks ago • 314 views
I hit the hot button today, to see what i've missed during the week, and EVERYTHING, I mean *EVERYTHING* is music from my youth that I absolutely HATED when it was new. I'm FIFTY, for christ's freaking sake! What happened? I feel like I'm being hunted across the moors by hounds or something! Someday someone is going to find you people and play Britney Spears and Celine Dion at you until you crack!

Then i look at the Top Sifts, and the highest vote is in the thirties. My sift has been perverted!

I BLAME THE CHEESE!

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Also for entry into the Court’s records-

http://wtf.videosift.com/talk/Warning
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Also entered into the record is the fact that during the period of the crime, all avatars in the sidebar, top comments, and threads were filled with cheese, adding to the general public panic.

The following stand accused and for the court’s record we draw your attention to the most egregious example of each defendant’s cheese below each mughsot, where available:

CaptWillard: 7 Counts


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Critttter: 2 Counts

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Dotdude: 6 Counts




Firefly: 6 Counts

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Greatbird: 5 Counts

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Iwastheturkey: 1 Count

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Jonny: 1 Count





Kevlar: 1 Count

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K0MMIE: 1 Count

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Kronosposeidon: 1 Count

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Kulpims: 1 Count




MarineGunrock: 3 Counts

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Rottenseed: 4 Counts

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Uhohzombies: 9 Counts

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Schmawy: 7 Counts

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Silvercord: 1 Count






SlipperyPete: 1 Count




Choggie: 1 Count






Other conspirators who’s crimes the court is still endeavoring to uncover


Blankfist
Seen at the scene of the aforementioned crimes

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Cheesemoo
Suspected of supplying raw contraband materials

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Dag
Accused of actually enjoying submissions, aiding an abetting

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Fjnbk
Originator of the Cheese Avatar

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Lucky760
Suspected technical expert, aiding and abetting

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Zeph
Seen at the scene of the aforementioned crimes

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Gwiz665
Seen at the scene of the aforementioned crimes

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Fedquip
Seen at the scene of the aforementioned crimes

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DEFENDANTS, HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
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I ain't sayin' SHIT without my lawyer!
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So...umm...any of yooz a lawyer?


written by kronosposeidon  | 3 months ago | CH
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written by rottenseed  | 3 months ago | CH
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^Duly noted. May Judge Swampy have mercy upon you come sentencing.


written by schmawy  | 3 months ago | CH
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whoever posted Lost in Love wins-
I dinna even know that was going down, the other guys made me post the one that made it, i was guilt-ridden for involvement initially, so I discarded the other one, never even wore any cheese... and furthermore, i am under the jurisdickshuns of no court!!!

Exonerated!!!!


written by choggie  | 3 months ago | CH
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I plead guilty.

Viva la fromage!


written by MarineGunrock  | 3 months ago | CH
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Guilty as cheesed, uh charged! And I'd do it again!
(uh, are we doing it again?)

and you listed Disco Duck twice. Erroneous records! Mistrial! Mistrial!


written by firefly  | 3 months ago | CH
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Perhaps "ODOR in the court" might be more suitable. Someone must have given cheese to the "3 Second Cat."

Here's to CHEESE SOLIDARITY and the FROMAGE FIGHTERS! We need us a flag next time. We can march around and wave it!

Oh and I don't believe cheese stopped with the seventies . . .


written by dotdude  | 3 months ago | CH
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Thankyou Bailiff and... prosecutor Schmawy. All in court may be seated.

I've read the affidavit of the first witness and if Oxdottir has any further testimony to offer the witness may come forward at any time.

If the prosecuting attorney can now call to the stand a defendant? All will have an opportunity to offer a defense for themselves before I make my decree.

Due to courts restricted budget, defendants will represent themselves as there are no court attorneys to appoint for them. Our regrets to Kronosposeidon.


written by swampgirl  | 3 months ago | CH
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I will represent kronosposeidon...


*ahem* He's guilty and I want him sentenced to death. I rest my case.


written by rottenseed  | 3 months ago | CH
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Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm defending myself and others against a great injustice, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense!
If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit!

The defense rests.


written by gwiz665  | 3 months ago | CH
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I call to the stand Critttter.


written by schmawy  | 3 months ago | CH
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Due to bad weather here, I call a recess.

Yikes.. it's lighting!


written by swampgirl  | 3 months ago | CH
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Ladies and Gentlemen of the Court, we call a recess because there's lightning and the Judge won't come out from under the bed.


written by schmawy  | 3 months ago | CH
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With apologies to Air Supply and I'm all out of love (What am I saying! I loathe air supply!)

I'm cruzing the sift but my thoughts are adrift
pulling my hair till it hurts
There's cheese everywhere, was it cuz of the dare?
there's a wedge on each avatar...

I wish I could bury each post and each song
lactose intolerance brings me so low
would you make me believe that tomorrow could bring
a place where swiss couldn't go?

CHORUS:

I can't take the smell, limburger gags me
you all kept it up, much, oh much too long
I can't take the slock, the pathos, it rags me
you have to admit, you have to say you were wrong!



written by oxdottir  | 3 months ago | CH
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So I see that little turncoat rottenseed turned state's evidence in return for leniency. No surprise there; what else would you expect from a douche nozzle?

You want me to defend myself because of one cheesy video; one that I had the good sense to kill moments before it would have sifted. You want to know why I did it all? You think you're entitled to know my reasons? Well let me tell YOU something...

You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a web site that has videos. And those videos have to be guarded by men and women with votes. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Schmawy? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for oxdottir and you curse the Cheese Corps. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that oxdottir's disgust, while tragic, probably saved videos. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves videos...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on this site. You need me on this site.

We use words like upvote, quality, promote...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent watching something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very videos I promote, then questions the manner in which I promote them! I'd rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you post a cheesy video and vote for a couple of them. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!
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Can I go now? I gotta pee.


written by kronosposeidon  | 3 months ago | CH
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>> ^gwiz665:
I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense!
If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit!

The defense rests.


I am fairly confident gwiz is trying to plead insanity







written by mundanest  | 3 months ago | CH
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It wasn't me!

It was the one-armed man.

I'm innocent I tells ya. I was just trying to make a quick microwave nacho snack. Somehow my cellphone was left inside, it morphed into a giant cheese hat... I don't know what happened next. I woke up with a hangover and a large cheese wedge affixed to my skull.

Ya gotta beleez mah!

I object to this whole line of questioning, your honor.


written by lucky760  | 3 months ago | CH
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Objection overruled.


written by siftbot  | 3 months ago | CH
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I wait for the human forms to eliminate themselves.


written by siftbot  | 3 months ago | CH
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couldn't have been me, your honor - I'm alergic to all dairy products.


written by kulpims  | 3 months ago | CH
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I plead Awesome


written by Thylan  | 3 months ago | CH
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I plead guilty. When we doing it again?


written by K0MMIE  | 3 months ago | CH
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*Tosses a stick of Cheddar AT THE BENCH.*


written by dotdude  | 3 months ago | CH
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Last night's lightning storm knocked out our cable until this afternoon. My appologies.

Let the proceedings resume


written by swampgirl  | 3 months ago | CH
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>> ^schmawy:
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Court, we call a recess because there's lightning and the Judge won't come out from under the bed.


Not far from it. Sam had to be held on the sofa during the worst of it. All that trembling and drooling sorta takes from the dignity of his chamber robes.




written by swampgirl  | 3 months ago | CH
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>> ^oxdottir:
With apologies to Air Supply and I'm all out of love (What am I saying! I loathe air supply!)

I'm cruzing the sift but my thoughts are adrift
pulling my hair till it hurts
There's cheese everywhere, was it cuz of the dare?
there's a wedge on each avatar...

I wish I could bury each post and each song
lactose intolerance brings me so low
would you make me believe that tomorrow could bring
a place where swiss couldn't go?

CHORUS:

I can't take the smell, limburger gags me
you all kept it up, much, oh much too long
I can't take the slock, the pathos, it rags me
you have to admit, you have to say you were wrong!




In light of this statement, perhaps the prosecutor would like to to have the witness Oxdottir recorded as a hostile witness....

Oxdottir, any further vulgar displays of cheesiness and I'll hold you in contempt of court.



written by swampgirl  | 3 months ago | CH
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Kronosposeidon, you are in contempt of court. The bailiff will now escort you to Youtube where you will spend the next 3 hours browsing clips of episodes of Friends and Hannah Montana.

>> ^kronosposeidon:
So I see that little turncoat rottenseed turned state's evidence in return for leniency. No surprise there; what else would you expect from a douche nozzle?

You want me to defend myself because of one cheesy video; one that I had the good sense to kill moments before it would have sifted. You want to know why I did it all? You think you're entitled to know my reasons? Well let me tell YOU something...

You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a web site that has videos. And those videos have to be guarded by men and women with votes. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Schmawy? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for oxdottir and you curse the Cheese Corps. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that oxdottir's disgust, while tragic, probably saved videos. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves videos...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on this site. You need me on this site.

We use words like upvote, quality, promote...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent watching something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very videos I promote, then questions the manner in which I promote them! I'd rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you post a cheesy video and vote for a couple of them. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!
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Can I go now? I gotta pee.











written by swampgirl  | 3 months ago | CH
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Pee?!?!?

I bet you're sneaking a peak at the Disney Channel. And you want to pick on our tastes in cheese?!?!?!?


written by dotdude  | 3 months ago | CH
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Contempt! Dotdude, you are held in contempt of court and are arrested for assault.

Assaulting a Judge with a hunk of cheese is a serious offense and must be dealt with appropriately.

Dotdude, you will now proceed to your published queue where you will test all of your sifted videos for dead links. And while you are doing this, you must listen the following sift in a continuous loop:

http://www.videosift.com/video/The-Final-Countdown-TERRIBLE-COVER

>> ^dotdude:
Tosses a stick of Cheddar AT THE BENCH.





written by swampgirl  | 3 months ago | CH
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